so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I can't turn off my feet"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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