Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
