Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
