I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
