She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
