People in love make me want to vomit
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
