You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
