3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I don't deserve a penis
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Randomize
