Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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