Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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