Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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