So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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