You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
