Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
