So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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