Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
