Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
