did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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