We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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