:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Randomize
