i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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