ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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