I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
