Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i will never coherently bang her
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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