my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize