I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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