Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize