Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
