Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
