alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize