I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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