Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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