I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
