Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
