Non-Jews are for practice
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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