i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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