either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
