If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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