A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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