Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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