then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
