whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
