Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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