so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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