i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
