She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize