we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
