I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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