don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
