She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
