That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
