I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
