We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
