This dress was meant to end up on your floor
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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