I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
