Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
