my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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