I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
