Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
