Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
