College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
