Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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