im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
