is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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