yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
