You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
