Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
