I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
