There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
